Kindness Doesn't Have a Color

I believe that over the last 2 years of Cooper's cancer treatment, we have learned a lot. I believe that we have grown a lot as a family, grown a lot as human beings, learned our strength that we didn’t know we had, but this has also left us with a lot of questions. Questions about why. Questions about God, questions about our faith, questions about why the world is the way that it is, why we have so much suffering, and why humans choose to tear one another down. Questions that I feel sure I will be left pondering because I’m not meant to know the answer. 

I am not one to write political things, and often keep those opinions and thoughts to myself. I also realize that people DON’T read our blog to read about our opinions or politics but to hear about Cooper’s progress, but hear me out, because I believe I have an important message to share. I think that the last 2 years has given us a perspective that many people don’t have, and for that I am thankful. However, I think that the perspective that we do have was greatly shaped and influenced by those who have lifted us up in our darkest hour and time of need. 

As I said, I often don’t often give my opinion on things, especially when it comes to politics or current events, mainly because everyone has a retort, something that triggers their anger, and a strong opinion about things and I’ve also learned that in a lot of cases, you can’t change people and their opinions, so why bother. However, with the recent events in the news, the brutality, the unkindness, the unrest, I have struggled to wrap by brain around what is happening in the world. It also occurred to me that most of my life I have lived by and held others to the statement that “silence is agreement” and this I am not okay with. So I felt compelled to share a bit of what we have learned in the last 2 years. If it reaches one person and makes any kind of a difference, then it has served its purpose. 

When I say that we as a family have been shaped and changed by those who have lifted us up in a time of need, I mean that. Over the last 2 years we have been the recipient of kindness, goodwill, charity from those of all walks of life. People of every color, race, belief, religious background, sexual orientation…you name it.. lifted us up, made a difference in our kid’s life and the life of our family. I’ve thought about this a lot. Not once when these people wanted to reach out, did it concern them what our race was or what we believed. They helped, because our kid and our family needed it and because they were GOOD. Good, good people, with kind hearts and open minds, and they were judgement free. We have had African American families and people who have befriended our child and accepted our family as one of their own and given to us out of the kindness of their hearts, a Muslim congregation who raised money for our child and were selfless, people of a different sexual orientation who raised money and donated to a cause, people of the Jewish community who helped us in so many ways, people of all backgrounds who came together without judgement to love and support some people who needed it. We were those people. 

Kindness and generosity doesn’t have a color, or a religion, or a demographic, my friends. I cannot wrap my brain around the fact that some people are treated in such a manner just because of the color of their skin, their belief, the way they choose to live their life. And maybe perhaps, this is my privilege, that I just cannot understand this, and that this is a perspective that I will likely never have. For that, to our friends who do have to deal with this every day, I am sorry. 

What I do know is how difficult it can be when people try to understand your struggle and your pain, when they have not lived it. How challenging it is to navigate those who choose to make your struggle about themselves or who choose to justify it, or compare it to something that is completely different in an effort to “understand”. What I do know is that when the struggle and the pain isn’t your reality, pretending like you know and understand is often the opposite of helpful. Sometimes people just need someone to be there, to listen, to not try to understand because unless you’ve walked it, you can’t. 

I have often wondered what would happen if we replaced all of the bad and ugly stories , the stories of hate, of racism, of unacceptance with the stories of good that people do, what a difference it would make. I sometimes think that all we hear about it the bad, and damnit, we deserve to hear the good...because I do believe that there is more good in this world than we are made to realize. For some reason we always feed on the negative, and that becomes the narrative. 

I wondered when we received these acts of kindness, “Would I have been this good of a person?” I’d certainly like to think so, but I’m not sure. These people are next level. I think that perspective is something that we can truly never gain or understand until we have actually experienced what the other person is going through. I don’t’ think that we ever truly know how we would react until we are actually faced with a situation.

What I do know is that these people that we know who lifted us up, who are struggling with the injustice of now…they’re the real deal. They are good through and through and stood up for us when we needed it the most, so I choose to stand beside them. Because they matter, as human beings, no matter their belief, their race, their gender. Every part of them matters and they are important. Period. So in the meantime, if you’re wondering what to do, stand with someone, be kind, be accepting, stop pretending like you know someone’s story and life experiences and just be there to lend a hand and to listen. They stepped up for us, so I think it’s time that we step up for them. 

So to our friends, we stand with you. We appreciate you for everything that you are to us and to our boy. We appreciate you more than you know, exactly the way you are. The world needs more people like you and needs to realize that kindness doesn’t have a color. Thank you for being you….you know who you are.